I feel like I started this journey for all the wrong reasons. At first it all started because I was having a boring winter with little work and I started to look into my future and what I thought I should do. So I decided to play around online and apply to a college and get my education. Going to college changes a person, it’s a whole new experience then grade school. You meet all new people and learn all new things. It makes friends and family look at you differently, as a person with accomplishment and a good mind set. Like a person who knows what they want to do with their life and will become very successful. But you don’t need to do something that you think is the right thing to do to become a successful person; you can do whatever you want to live a happy life. Isn’t that why our moms and dads tell us when we are young that we can be whatever we want when we grow up? Were they just lying to us? I don’t think so; our parents say things like that because all they want us to be when we get older is happy. What does successful even mean? Successful is just a word people use as a standard term for living a prosperous life in the eyes of most people. Successful is what you make it.
The reason why I decided to take this journey was I thought it would make me successful. I thought people would look at me and see a person that has finally decided to take charge and do something with their life. Someone that has taken the next step into manhood, but I don’t think that way anymore. To be honest, I liked the way people started to look at me and the way they talked to me, they would tell me how proud they are of me and the decision that I have made. I feel like if I decide not to pursue this decision anymore, then they won't look at me that way anymore. I know my original intention was to learn about physical development in humans and being able to teach them how to live better and healthier lives. This sounds like a pretty good reason. However, I have lost all reason. This, as it turns out, is possibly not what I want. I am an adult, I want to start acting like one and start living like one. I want to work with my hands and build, for myself and for others. I want to pay for my food and grow it as well. I want to enjoy the presence of my friends and family. I can’t do these things if I am doing something that I don’t want.
A very wise person told me that sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone in order to try new things and experience new ways of life, which I believe is true, but if you do not eventually enjoy this new way of living then I believe there is no point in pressing on. Sure, I still want to help people, but why do I have to waste my time and money (and the states money) to do so. This goes against my beliefs in how we as humans should live our lives, and that is doing things that only waste time. College is not for everyone. I am not putting anyone down who decided to go to school, anyone who took the step to learn and try new things and start their lives the way they want. People go to school to become doctors, teachers, mechanics, engineers, business leaders etc. And they use their knowledge to help people and make the world a better place. There are people who volunteer their time and work for nothing (Like a certain someone I know that is very special to me) just to help other people who have lost everything they have worked for, and you are my hero! That’s what I want in life, a feeling of accomplishment, a feeling of belonging, but also I want to feel loved. What is the point of doing the things you want if there is no one around to love you and tell you how proud they are of you? I want to look back at my life when it’s near its end and think to myself “I’ve done well, and there isn’t a single thing I would change.” Isn’t that what everyone wants in life? That is the way I look at success. We all have a purpose in life; we just have to do some searching to find it. James Dean said “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” Well it’s time to start dreaming a little less and start living a little more.
